The Preparedness and Survival Site

This article is courtesy of Cutter, one of our forum members:

For better or worse, I am the de facto leader of my unofficial, informal Mutual Assistance Group (MAG). I say unofficial and informal because that is what it is. For all of my efforts, my extended family, including my in-laws and the couple of friends involved simply won’t get fully involved. I say de facto because I am the “go to guy” for answers and help when there are questions or problems they can’t answer or solve themselves. I say for better or worse because while I have the skills and knowledge to pull them through, I never asked for or wanted the position. However, the responsibility has been thrust upon me and I will do my utmost to wear the mantle of leadership well, out of simple love and loyalty.

My wife is a believer in the prepper lifestyle and becoming more so every day. She is of great help to me now and will be indispensable if the big balloon ever goes up. We have talked often of our extended families and what will become of them in that event. I worry less about my side because, while they don’t embrace the prepper lifestyle, they do exhibit certain qualities inherent in preppers. They do plan ahead for some of the eventualities associated with really bad times. It is my wife’s family that gives us both pause. They are very much the “trust somebody else to take care of me” sort.

When we were talking about our preps and rules of engagement, for lack of a better way of stating it, she actually asked me, “But what about my family?”. She knows, as I do, that they will bring little or nothing to the table but will expect to be taken in…and taken care of. She was afraid (and rightfully so) that I would turn them away, by force if necessary. So, here we were, talking about preparing for bad times and we found ourselves in a real dilemma. Do we take them in or turn them out? Will it drive a wedge between us if things go wrong with them either way.

In the end, we hit upon a compromise. I agreed that the only right thing to do would be to take them in and give them some time to adjust and prove themselves. I agreed to this with the provision that on Day 1, they would be told what was expected of them, what the consequences would be, and how much time they had to play with. It fell out that each one of the group has exactly 30 days from the day they show up to pitch in with anything that needs to be done that is within their ability. After that, if they don’t contribute in a meaningful way to the benefit of the group and themselves, they are out, by force if necessary.

It was difficult for me to hold such a hard line on this. I did not want to. You see, family is everything to my way of thinking. On the other hand, I have other family to think about if bad ever goes to worse. I cannot unduly risk the well being of my wife or the other members of our MAG for the benefit of a few who won’t ever earn their place. It took me a long time to come to grips with my stand on the issue. It took even longer for my wife. In the end, after many heartfelt and difficult discussions, she realized and accepted that it would be as emotionally difficult for me to turn these loved ones away as it would be for her to allow it. She came to understand that if it ever comes to pass, they will have done it to themselves after wasting every opportunity to avoid it. Lastly, she came to understand that I would move Heaven and Earth to find any possible way to avoid turning them out to their fate, so long as it did not endanger the rest.

As preppers, we are obliged to give great consideration to what becomes of those we care about. Inevitably, some of those we care about will not have given any thought to caring for themselves. What’s more, as preppers we will inevitably be thrust into leadership positions if ever bad turns to worse. Those leadership positions come with truly hellish choices and responsibilities. Our decisions could make the difference between suffering and lack of it, between life and death. Those decisions will inevitably test our loyalties and try our souls. We will find ourselves forced to choose between any number of equal options…and all equally bad.

For now, we have the luxury of time. We can do the soul searching now to make an informed choice. We can put by the resources to provide for our loved ones who won’t do it themselves in order to give them a fighting chance. We cannot however, make limitless provision. At some point, those whom we help must help themselves. If they don’t, they will endanger us and everyone else relying on our leadership to pull them through. Unless you have nearly unlimited wealth, you cannot afford to provide everything forever. If things stay bad enough for long enough, you are going to have to re-supply. When that time comes, you are going to need all the help you can get to do it.

Now, before an emergency arises, is the time to make those difficult decisions and set those conditions. If you make a decision out of the blue, in the moment of crisis, you are probably going to make the wrong decision. Unfortunately, you will probably not be the only one paying the price for your mistake.

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